friday - 4/8/06

// feeling :: like a warrior! lolz
// prayer for :: tmr's fop, tmr's meeting

Wellz, today we went for FOP. But first we went to my place at Dover to have a little discussion la abt what we were gonna do n all tt. Met Gab, Cai, Jong and Meijuan at Dhoby Ghaut station. Was so glad that they could come!

Lolz Belle tot the City Christian band was Hillsong..Made me go hysterical when she said Hillsong was comin up next..She blur la lolz.

Actually, I'm not here to talk about these things.. I juz wanna share a few things la. In the course of this week, I was sick [again] and it was hard going for me because I have a bad habit of not praying when I'm not feeling well. I was so on fire in the few days after church service last week. You know, started speaking tongues when I had the time in school, started listening to Christian music only..That sort of thing.

But today..As the few that came together this afternoon worshipped the Lord, I felt distant from them and from Him. I felt as if He's in heaven, and I'm on earth; like we could never co-exist. Its the feeling as if God has left you. And that feeling is terrible.

It encased me throughout today. My sore throat wasnt going away, I started coughing in service and during P&W [with thanks to Belle cuz she thumped me on the back to make me feel better], and I juz didnt have the energy to jump for long.

I was was sluggishly clapping my hands; looking ard the hall. How come everyone can praise so fine, and how come mine seems as if its half-hearted.

If you noticed, I used the word seemed. Because it isnt. It was genuine. I never felt so attacked by the devil before. Where is my fire..

Daniel was right. True faith will be tested. I'm beyond my limits..I duno how am I going to make myself feel better because my nose is all blocked and I cant smell or taste anything. I cant even breathe properly.

THIS IS SO ANNOYING. Am I really tested or is the devil juz playing with me??